You don’t have to suffer on Valentine’s Day.
Really.
Trust me on this.
If you want roses, buy them yourself. They will wilt either way.
Expectation, it’s said, is the source of all suffering, and greeting card manufacturers, chocolatiers, jewelers, and florists would all have you believe that you are unloved – and possibly even unlovable – if you don’t receive one, some or all of the above on Valentine’s Day.
What’s peculiar is that the marketing is mostly directed at women, but it’s mostly the men who are expected to buy and present the stuff. As far as I can tell, this just encourages women to be passive-aggressive, men to be resentful, and the dysfunction between women and men to thrive. Who needs that?
I say, if you are a person of any gender and you want flowers or chocolates or diamonds, buy them!
But if you want to be unhappy, go ahead and drop hints, attempt mental telepathy, or just sit and hope that your special someone will present you with the prescribed and predictable heart-shaped box of chocolates or bouquet of roses that’s supposed to be a demonstration of love. But don’t be surprised that when the chocolates are eaten and the roses have wilted, the brief satisfaction of having received them fades as well.
SINGLE IN NEW YORK
When I was single and – I thought – undesirable, I’d crawl into a dark place on February fourteenth while everyone else in the world, it seemed, was celebrating romantic love. Poor me.
Then one year, I’d had enough. On February fifteenth, I bought myself a heart shaped box of chocolates on sale. They weren’t really that good. So I tried flowers. Not roses, but spider chrysanthemums. I liked them so much I started buying fresh flowers as often as I could afford them.
IN LOVE IN VERMONT
Celebrating Valentine’s Day in July on top of Mount Mansfield.
Tim and I met one August and fell in love, hard. Six months later, on that first Valentine’s Day, I found myself slipping into the slough of expectation, so I turned it around and bought him a gift, which made me feel better. (For the record, it was shaving soap and brush, not flowers or chocolate.)
UN-VALENTINE’S DAY
I don’t think Tim’s ever given me a Valentine’s Day gift, though he’s given me countless extraordinary presents on ordinary days of the year. Why not take a cue from Humpty-Dumpty in Alice in Wonderland, who promotes the giving of un-birthday gifts on the three hundred and sixty-four days of the year it’s not your birthday? Why not Valentine’s Day as well?
If you have special plans for love today – that’s great; and if you live a loving life all the rest of the year, even better.
Sending love to all my subscribers and special thanks to those of you who take the time to comment to these posts.
You’re so right, Deborah, it is a hyped-up occasion which benefits purveyors of flowers, cards and chocolates. My husband and I have always exchanged cards on Valentine’s Day but no presents. I did joke in his card today that as this is the 42nd Valentine’s card I’ve given him, has he worked out who I am yet?
As it happens, we are going out tonight, but that is purely by accident! A chamber orchestra we like is playing in the local theatre, so we’d booked tickets and decided to eat out before the concert, without realising it’s Valentine’s Day – luckily we’ve found a restaurant which is happy to serve us a simple main course and not a special Valentine’s menu – though it took a bit of finding!
A mid-week chamber music concert sounds like a great way to celebrate mid-winter. Hope you have a good time. And thanks, as always, for your comments.
I LOVE THIS!!!! YOU ARE SO RIGHT.
Thanks for the affirmation!
Thanks for this, Deb. I’ve been sick for over two weeks, and my husband has been doing all the cooking and grocery shopping and keeping the stoves stoked. In his spare time he’s getting next year’s firewood in from the woods. All with good cheer.
We didn’t realize it was Valentine’s Day until late afternoon. We just laughed because we know every day is.
Except for the part about your being ill for two weeks, this is a sweet, sweet note. Thanks for sharing – and best wishes for a full recovery – soon. xxx
Excellent!
Thanks for letting me know you liked this!
I hated Valentine’s day as a single woman. Once I found my husband he made it special but then he made all occasions and several non-occasions special. I was lamenting that I was no one’s valentine this year and my oldest son said “Yes you are. You will always be Dad’s” He is right.
Great story, Wendy. Thanks for sharing it with me.
Thank you for writing what we all are thinking. I especially like the statement ‘be a loving person on the other 364 days of the year’ those are the words I live by. Thank you ! Love your writing style !
Thanks for your comments. I’m always gratified to learn that something I’ve written hits home.