THANK YOU
I’m so grateful to my readers for the outpouring of support in response to the publication of He Was My Grandfather, my story of being silenced for telling my story of childhood sexual abuse. The response has been as astounding as it’s been affirming. I thank everyone who sent messages of support by email, by phone, by comment online, on my blog, and on social media.
As sad as I am to forgo my radio audience, I’m intensely gratified to find such remarkable support at home and on line. Thank you.
I’m as humbled as I am gratified: many of you shared with me your own stories of family abuse and decades of silence. Thank you for trusting me with your stories; I hope that voicing them brings you both relief and freedom from shame.
WHAT WE ARE LEARNING FROM SPEAKING UP
What we are learning from this very public discussion of what’s traditionally been a very private shame is that our memories of these traumatic events are particular in peculiar ways: we remember sounds, smells, cracks in the ceiling, but not necessarily the facts of time, place, date – the facts that stand up in court.
That some media outlets with national distribution, like The Washington Post, and other, intensely local papers, like The Commons, are willing to publish these accounts means that we are breaking the silence that has previously allowed people to deny that children are sexually abused by family members, that women are assaulted by frat boys, and that women are harassed at work. Those who’ve not experienced this behavior are starting to learn that it is as commonplace as it is commonly denied. And we’re learning that speaking up about it is the first step toward bringing it to an end.
ON A PERSONAL NOTE
On a personal note, this entire episode has expanded my appreciation for living locally, what I call Living in Place. I’ve been engaged in local foods since moving to Vermont in 1984, and with local, restorative justice since 2007. I’ve been posting essays both pointed and poetic on my blog, Living in Place, since 2014.
The blog doesn’t have the reach of VPR, but I hope my former listeners and my new readers will find me there. Rather than sanitize my work for broadcast, I will be free to drill down into the loam of what’s going on right here.
But none of this would have come out were it not for our local, independent weekly and Jeff Potter, editor of The Commons. To have this paper in our community is yet another blessing of Living in Place.
With Gratitude,
Deborah.
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Dear Deborah,
I read about your experience last week, and still I cannot talk about my father. I feel so ashamed. Of course I have a multitude of stories in my practice – and still I cannot talk about my father. He was never an easy going man and extremely shy and taciturn. The year and a half before he died he lived with me and I took care of him as he was paralyzed by a stroke. We were able to part with no unfinished business. What he did was never to touch me but I am ashamed. just the same.
I am so sorry for whatever happened that causes you so much continued shame and silence. It’s brave of you to say this much, and I applaud that courage. I hope you will figure out a way to make peace with yourself. Love.
I am deeply appreciative of your truth telling. ❤️
Thank you for these kind words of support.
It is so important that these stories be told…not only the stories of the abuse but of the horrific silencing effort that continues to go on. Thanks, Deb, for your bravery in bringing this forward, and thanks to “The Commons,” for being willing to stand up and publish it. I’m am more than disappointed to learn that VPR wouldn’t air your story. And most especially, I am saddened, Deb, to learn that you suffered this kind of double abuse. Sending much love…
Thank you for your words of affirmation. I was too young, ashamed and confused to do anything but endure as a child, so I can’t do anything about the past, but I can certainly stand up to those who want to silence me now. Having so much support makes this possible.